Finding a Self Confidence formula is a very popular topic online.
And the usual angle to discuss or resolve the issue is to come from an abstract angle.
An abstract solution to a very common problem for a lot of people.
People usually start talking about a lot of visualization and mindset work.
And that is of course a very important part of a holistic solution.
But the problem is that most people focus only on that one aspect of building self-confidence.
They avoid the most uncomfortable part of building self-confidence.
And that is getting your hands dirty in the trenches of life.
Most people don’t understand self-confidence.
So most advice on self-confidence is bad and gets no results.
But here is the bottom line of self-confidence.
Confidence is the result of hours, days, weeks, months, and even years of consistent hard work and dedication.
What Is The Self-Confidence Formula?
Firstly Self-Confidence is a person’s sense of competence and skill, and their perceived capacity to deal effectively with various situations.
Confident people expect success in a specific area.
This expectation is based on their competence and the risk involved in doing it.
The Self Confidence formula is in our genes.
It evolved over millions of years as a tool to guide our decision-making around risk.
Paleolithic man evolved their levels of confidence.
They developed the confidence to evaluate, manage and overcome risk.
Self Confidence improved their chances of survival.
For example, the early cavemen would swim across a river and the first one would be eaten by a crocodile.
The rest of the group would then go into fear and lose all their confidence.
Then one day a guy finds a spot to safely swim across the river.
He then consistently starts swimming across the river at that specific spot and consequently, he starts building confidence.
Real Self Confidence is not hoping to be successful, it's a realistic expectation.
Your expectation to overcome a challenge is based on your previous performance and experience.
For example with Dating a confident man expects success when approaching a woman.
He knows the woman will be open to a conversation and even give him her phone number.
He expects success because he has done this 100's of times using a specific approach that works and has gotten him a lot of success.
Your Confidence radar switches on every time a new challenge arises.
It will give you an evaluation of your confidence level in that specific situation.
And it will give you an expectation of success.
Tracking Competence .
We evolved confidence levels to accurately track our competencies.
There is no way around this reality.
When you feel confident about a specific area then you are competent in it.
If you want to be confident in a specific area then you have to perform in that specific area consistently.
There are no shortcuts and no way around this reality.
You learn performance through consistent practice.
You practice and then perform under real-life conditions.
This is the only way to build confidence in a specific area.
Building confidence is like building a brick wall.
You build it one brick at a time and then it gets bigger and stronger.
Nervousness And Fear.
Your nervousness and low confidence before a new performance are normal.
It’s how human learning works.
Feeling fear before swimming across a crocodile-infested river is normal.
It's also normal to feel fear when you learn any valuable new skill.
You will feel fear but you must move towards it and act despite feeling fear.
Moving towards fear and taking action will start building belief.
This consistent hard work will lead to better performance and eventually real self-confidence in that specific domain.
The Magic is in this process of learning.
This Process leads to getting motivated to learn more skills in more domains.
Confidence is domain-specific.
Nobody is confident about everything in life.
People have different personalities and mental abilities.
So they usually reflect confidence in different domains.
Extroverted people are more socially confident.
These people are good with social interactions.
Highly Intelligent people more are intellectually confident.
These people are good with abstract ideas and skills.
Genetics plays a role in personality differences.
But every domain has room for lots of improvement.
A man’s overall self confidence formula is the sum of all levels of confidence in all domains.
So right now you will feel different levels of confidence in different areas of life.
This means if you have the opportunity to learn and execute new skills.
Then you will raise your confidence levels in those areas.
So you have to figure out what domains of life are important to you.
For example, let's say you want to become better with women and dating.In other words you want be better with social dynamics and all types of relationships with women.
Then you have to become confident in the domains where women have a high level of desire.
In other words, learn what kind of man women really want.
Then become that type of man by becoming confident in those domains.
But building a broad range of skills in important areas will raise your overall value and raise your overall confidence levels.
As men we should continuously be building our value our whole lives.Its a never ending process.
The ball is on your court.
You must make the decision about what is important to you in life.
You must make the decision of how much work you are willing to do to reach your goals and get what you want from life.
Remember nothing of value will be given to you for free.
The question is what are you willing to do the work and execute?
A good starting point for you would be to have an audit of your life. Ask yourself what areas of you life do you know is holding you back right now?And what other areas are important for you that you must develop?
Once you get answers to those questions you must start doing the work.
Until next time!