If you want to have success with dating and relationships then you need personal development goals.
Let me explain why I make this statement:
People like to say what you put in is what you get out.
But this is why most people end up disappointed.
They look outside themselves to change things in their lives.
I think the statement “what you put in is what you get out ” should be changed to the following:
“What you put into Yourself is what you get out in life. “
The only true transformation can happen when you change.
The only change in direction in life happens when you accept the fact that you have to transform.
Personal transformation is your responsibility and your duty.
To Improve Your Life You Need To Transform every area of your life.
When it comes to success with dating and relationships men look for the quick fix.
They want the magic pill.
They want that one-liner, the bullshit story or some way to logically persuade someone to like them.
This way of thinking never lasts because it isn't real.
Real change is only possible if you stop looking for superficial solutions to your dating problems.
The biggest problems with superficial solutions are that even if you get away with them in the short run they will catch up to you.
I have seen this many times.
Guys lie to women and then a year later she finds out the truth and the whole house of cards start falling apart.
So he is back to square one and walks around like a wounded animal.
But even after that many guys do the same thing
They try the same bullshit fake life stories and build fake relationships.
You don't just fuck up yourself but you also hurt the people you pull into this toxic web of horseshit.
If they don't go into fake relationships then they go into a fake life.
Don't Settle For Mediocrity
With fake life I mean they give up.
They settle for anything.
They do it because they gave into fear.
Fear that they will never meet another girl or they fear that time is running out.
They look around them and see people getting married and having relationships.
So fear starts fucking with them.
They look at those people and think “I have to get that with anyone I can find.”
This is one of the reasons you see so many divorces because a lot of times it ends in misery.
Look I get it, maybe you feel you should have been further than you are right now.
But whatever position you are in right now you need to accept it.
If you accept it, then you can start doing the work to change it.
But dont try and hide your shortcoming by going into a relationship with the idea that the woman will fix your situation or problem.
They Choose Fear
Whatever the fear is it leads to unhappiness.
It leads to unhappiness because everything that is built on fear ends up in misery and depression.
Guys in relationships like these usually end up in depression or even worse a lifetime of being trapped.
Trapped with a person you don't care about and a life you hate.
Why did they choose this life?
Well, they let go of courage and chose fear.
The thing is that it takes courage to transform yourself and to become a better man.
It takes work and perseverance.
Fear is easy, you just give into it.
No fight, no struggle. Just slow strangulation for many years until your heart stops beating.
It's also known as mediocrity.
These men are dead long before there their bodies give in.
They died the day they stopped dreaming and living with courage.
They died when they stopped thinking big.
You can't hope for a healthy relationship of any kind if it's built on an unstable foundation.
If your life is full of shit and you pretend to be someone that you are not then you will crash.
You might get away with it for a while but it will catch up and destroy everything.
And I'm not saying things like Game(social dynamics skills) are not important.
They are important, but they must be a tool you use while you develop yourself.
If you only use Game with no personal development then you end up with problems.
You end with problems because your weaknesses and shortcoming gets pushed away and ignored.
But if you create personal development goals and at the same time use Game to have success with dating you win.
Put it this way:
Once your foundation as a man is solid or at least in the process of becoming solid then Game becomes a very important and effective weapon to use in life.
Commitment To Personal Development Goals
The only way we can change your success with women and dating long-term is by transforming ourselves into someone that we can be proud of.
Someone real, someone you have respect for.
This is vital!
You need to respect yourself before anyone else can respect you.
You need to confront yourself.
For me, this was a major turning point in my own life.
I started looking for dating advice or Game 10 years ago and it ended up leading me to Personal Development and transforming my whole life.
I started with superficial stuff like pick-up lines but soon realized I was missing the point.
Game (dating advice) has many forms but I started with the superficial game and it gave me nothing.
Like I mentioned before Game is good but only if your foundation as a man is solid.
I needed personal development goals to transform every area of my life
I Needed Inner Game
I needed something else, I needed a total transformation.
The truth was I had major problems in my life.
I was broken and I thought for some reason that if I got a girlfriend or dated many women it would fix me.
The worse thing is I was willing to pull women into this toxic mess.
The problem with having a toxic life is that you take the toxic stuff with you.
When you bring someone into your life you share that with them and then it leads to disaster.
Lucky for me I didn't do it for too long before I got some great mentors that exposed my bullshit and forced me to take responsibility.
I had 2 choices at that point in my life.
The first was to just keep on pretending that I was fine and destroy other people on my delusional path of destruction.
Or I could take responsibility for my life and transform myself.
If I wanted to change I had no choice but to confront myself.
I had to face up to the demons and shadows of my past.
We all have a past that haunts us in one way or another.
We usually carry this baggage with us.
The problem is this baggage gets heavier and heavier as we go forward.
It eats at you and drags you down.
The only way to get rid of it is to confront it with real change and transformation.
In other words, if you are carrying a bag of bricks on your back that is your past, put it down and you will be free of it.
There are no half measures.
The reason why people choose not to transform themselves is simple.
It's hard, it's harder in the moment, but you get better and your life improves in ways you never expected.
It feels a lot easier in the moment to live a bullshit lie.
Because facing the real you is painful.
The person that you know is inside.
The one you push down and hide from the world.
Until you stop and take that person into the cave of your demons and shadows you will suffer.
The transformation will expose you and make you uncomfortable.
It's not a magic pill, it's a process and it takes time.
However, the rewards are massive.
When you are a transformed man people can sense it.
They sense they are dealing with someone real.
With this transformation, you build confidence and focus.
You start walking around with your head up again, you get your pride back and you start walking tall.
You start becoming a man women want to be around.
You start becoming someone women want to date and have a relationship with.
When you transform you become someone of high value.
This is the key!
Your value will change everything.
This you can't fake.
Your value will be attractive to the people around you.
This is what it means to transform yourself as a man.
You build yourself into a man of value.
It will take a lot of work and the road is long but you will be someone that people look up to.
On this website, I mention the word value a lot, and for good reason.
Your value as a man will make or break your success on this planet.
If you stay static and do not increase your value then you will end up on the living side of life.
But if you work on increasing your value in life you will start seeing more wins coming your way.
Remember as a man you can increase your value until the day you die.
In other words, this is a major opportunity for you.
The only question is are you going to take it?
Or are you going to turn away from your responsibility as a man and run away?
Yes, this is a blog about mindset.
This is where everything starts. In our minds.
We all have been programmed since childhood to think and act in a certain way.
Some programming is so strong that if you mention words like self-improvement or man transformation they get defensive.
The people who need it the most will be the ones who run the fastest when they come across personal development.
I used to be one of those people. I thought I was too good for that stuff.
I had this fake modesty bullshit.
If someone came to me and said “Hey check out this Tony Robbins book” I would avoid it.
I would say something like “That guy is full of shit” or ” I don't need that crap, I'm good”.
The Truth About Myself
The truth was that I knew nothing about Tony Robbins except that he was over the top and some self-help guru.
In my circle of friends, we looked down on “those” types of people.
We thought we were too good for it.
We thought we had it all figured out.
Turns out I couldn't have been more wrong.
Tony Robbins later become one of the guys that helped transform my life.
In reality, I was a judgmental ass who didn't know what I was talking about.
I thought I was educated but I wasn't.
My programming was so bad that I rejected anything and anyone that tried to help me or be a positive influence.
I would reject people like Robbins without even reading a page of their work because I wanted to be cool.
I was clueless and pathetic.
Not All Self-Help or Personal Development Are Equal
I'm not saying all self-help is good.
There is a lot of fluff and bullshit.
But there is a lot of good solid work out there that will help you to transform your life.
It's up to you to be open to change and find the right mentors whether it be in real life, in books, blogs, videos, or podcasts.
This planet is filled with the knowledge left here by men far greater than us.
It's our responsibility to find the stuff that works for us and let the rest go.
Your time on this planet is limited.
It's your responsibility to create the best version of yourself.
The clock is ticking so start now.
Then go out into the world and walk like a giant and leave a massive impact on this place.
Don't Choose The Path Of Least Resistance
If you only get one thing out of this article I hope it's this:
Do not take the path of least resistance.
When it comes to your own development as a man the only way is the hard way.
Because personal growth cannot happen by hiding from your fears.
You have to face them.
And when you face them and overcome them real change starts to happen.
You become someone else by confronting yourself.
Because that's what it comes down to, confronting yourself.
You must take a long hard look at all the things in your life you have been avoiding and hiding.
Confront them, learn from them and then let them go.
For example, if you are still angry at someone from your past for something they did to you years ago then let it go.
I'm not saying trust that person again, I'm saying forgive them,becuase then you will be free of it.
Then you can let go.
Another example could be something you are shy about.
Maybe you are shy about being skinny or overweight and you feel self-conscious about your body.
Stop avoiding the problem, confront it.
Stop playing safe, and start stepping into the light and make real changes that will transform your life.
Most Will Do Nothing
After all that I said know this:
Most people reading these words will do nothing.
Many will get excited by the idea of transforming themselves.
They will even tell people how they are going to change and talk about their big goals.
But when the reality sets in of doing the work things change.
Because ask yourself this:
When the lights go off and the people are gone what are you going to do?
When the excitement has faded and it's just you what are you going to do?
When no one is watching what are you going to do?
Or will you be one of the few that transform your life and live the life of your dreams?
If you choose to transform yourself you will be living a life of confidence, discipline, and power.
More importantly, you will be Free.
Choosing to avoid the path of least resistance is a big decision.
But staying on that path is the real difficult part.
You will not always feel like doing the steps needed to achieve your personal development goals.
But that is why very few people ever achieve greatness.
However, you can do this if you focus, stay disciplined and keep moving forward.
But to get there you must ask yourself the following:
How important is this for you?
Only you can answer that question.
You must first accept the truth about how the world really works and then accept the truth about yourself.
And then you must become obsessed with creating a new version of yourself.
And when you do that you can start living life on your terms.
You can start living a life that gives you success in all areas not only in dating.
To start your journey you must develop 3 areas:
But remember, only you can do this.
And only if you DO THE WORK.
Until next time.