The word destiny sometimes comes up in conversations we have with friends or family.
Some believe destiny is set in stone and cannot be changed.
For many destiny is something that is an idea of the past.
If you reading this blog then you are an individual who believes in your own improvement and that change in your life is possible.
But even the people like myself and others who have taken full responsibility for our own lives sometimes feel destiny creeping back into our lives.
This feeling of destiny creeping back into our lives usually happens when something bad happens or a plan or goal starts to look unattainable.
Sometimes “destiny” shows itself when we catch ourselves doing things that we told ourselves we will never do again.
When our self discipline slips for a moment we feel destiny smack us in the face
This power seems like an invisible force that keeps fucking with us when we think things are going great.
And sometimes we deny that this force exists in our own lives at all.
But at the same time we see it in others and tell ourselves how lucky we are that we are “not like that”.
We see our friends do something “stupid” over and over.
And we wonder why our friend keeps repeating this same mistake over and over again.
It's like seeing a pattern forming over and over in others but somehow we don't see it in ourselves.
We refuse to admit that this force is influencing us in the same way in a different form.
If we stop for a minute, we start seeing ourselves making similar mistakes over and over again over a period of time.
This type of pattern is referred to as character.
Your character is up made of 3 parts:
This is the deepest part of what we are.
This is the ancient story of our ancestors that is running through our veins.
This is what gives us certain qualities and tendencies that strongly influences our daily activities in life.
2. Early Upbringing
Our first few years on the planet is very important in terms of the influences in our lives.
Most importantly you mother and father.
If you were orphaned then whoever raised you as a kid.
If your mother was a strict, organized, disorganized or dismissing it all plays a role in who you become as an adult.
These influences will lead a child into developing one or many of the following characteristics:
The first 2 parts of the puzzle of our character lay the foundation for the third part.
3.Habits Based On Experience
This part is the habits we form as we grow up through the experiences we have.
These experiences get formed with friends, teachers, girlfriends, sports, hobbies etc…
These experiences created certain choices that get repeated and form habits.
4.Hiding From Ourselves
The last part is a level of self-awareness of our shortcomings and flaws.
For example, if you are shy we try to hide it.
If we are low in confidence, we hide it.
Some of our positive qualities get pushed down because for some reason we see them as weak when we are young.
Things like resilience,empathy, and courage get pushed down and we come into a habit of not using it.
So as we get older we start forgetting about these positive qualities inside us because its a lot easier to use negative habits.
Negative habits take almost no work or willpower.
So the worst parts of us are easy to make habits.
The best parts of us that takes work to develop we neglect or in many cases, unfortunately, forget.
Sometimes our character seems like its conflict with different parts of our genetics.
These parts clash with each other.
Our responsibility is to not find this reality as a depressing reality.
Instead we should see it as a challenge you accept and overcome.
We do this in the following way:
- Learn to understand and know yourself.
- Study your own character.
- Observe your behavior and habits over time.
- Be honest with yourself.
If you do this you can learn to recognize and control the forces that are holding you back.
You can turn negatives into strengths by firstly recognizing that these forces exist and then taking responsibility for them.
With the power of self-discipline, you can build new habits and create a different destiny.
Some things in our character are so strong that they cant be changed.
But we can manage it and sometimes use those forces as strengths.
For example, if you are struggling with a bad temper learn to control it but maybe unleash it when you are training martial arts or playing football.
By looking at your own patterns and habits you can start using this skill to study others.
Look at friends and co-workers and see if you can see certain character traits.
Remember that all people have learned to hide certain qualities as a defense mechanism so become observant and see what you can notice in others.
The best way to identify the character of a person is to look for patterns in a person's behavior over a few months or a year.
In other words, observe the action of an individual.
People will tell you that they are a “new” person and that they have changed.
But at the same time they will make the same mistakes as they did in the past.
People make choices every day and in these choices they will reveal their character.
People usually repeat certain behaviors because these are the habits they have developed through their character.
People will keep on doing these things even if they know its not in their own self-interest.
People usually easily reveal their character in the following circumstances:
-When they are under stress
-When they have power and responsibility
-In games or sports
A person with strong or good character is usually formed through a strong foundation.
A combination of genetics, good parenting, strong mentors, and consistent personal development.
People with good character are pliable and flexible.
They get tested by life like everyone else but they don't break.
They have inner strength.
This inner strength comes from strong self-esteem and a sense of personal security.
This allows these people to be able to take criticism and learn from them so that they can get better.
They have an open mind and will consider new ideas.
They can handle adversity and chaos and will not get overwhelmed by it.
These people show patience and perseverance.
They keep their word and are people you can count on when things go wrong.
They are willing to put the team first if the situation demands it and put their own interests to the side.
People with weak character is almost exactly the opposite.
The get easily crushed by pressure and adversity.
This makes it hard for people to rely on them or trust them with important things.
Unfortunately most people see them as deceptive and someone that you cannot depend on.
They don't like to learn from others because they tell themselves that this would be an admittance of a shortcoming.
It feels like talking to a wall when you deal with these people.
They might pretend to listen to you but as soon as you turn your back you will notice they didn't listen at all.
We are all a mix of good and bad.
Some learn more towards the strong character and others lean more towards weak.
But we all have some of both.
The reality is that if you dont deal with the weak part of your character then they will dominate the strong part of your character.
For example, the intelligent part of you gets turned into nothing if you crumble every time in the face of adversity.
So you have 2 parts in you.
Where does that leave you?
You can choose to live in ignorance and deny the reality of the human condition.
The condition we all have as humans.
You can choose to ignore the patterns in your life.
You can choose to ignore your upbringing and formative years as a child.
You can choose to ignore your genetics
Or you can go in a different direction.
Go Into The Hard Path
The Hard Path is taking ownership of who you are.
This means confronting your destiny.
This is the only path that will lead you to success, power and the formation of an elite character.
You do this by investigating yourself.
You observe your own actions over time.
But go deep.
Find out if you are an introvert or extrovert.
Find out if you are heavily influenced by high levels of anxiety, sensitivity, and hostility.
Or are you a person who likes to engage with other people.
Look at your deep primal indicators of interest.
These are the activities that you are attracted to naturally without you being able to rationally explain why.
You look at the relationships you had with your parents as a child and compare this with your current relationships you have in your life.
Are their similarities?
Look objectively and honestly at your behaviors and patterns that hold you back.
Identify scenarios or situations that you struggle with.
Also, identify the natural strengths in your character.
The main reason for this self-examination is to become fully aware of who you are at a deep level.
I you can do this you will no longer be a prisoner of your own character.
You can now recognize your own patterns and stop yourself if you notice yourself starting to move into a negative direction.
There will be some things in your life that you can't change but you will now be able to manage them and use them to your own advantage.
By knowing your own limitations you can avoid things that are not a good fit for you.
See yourself as an artist and choose your destiny
You are an artist with clay and you are slowly but surely sculpting your character into a strong and solid form.
You will transform your weaknesses into strengths.
You must become an alchemist and transform the weaknesses into power.
For example, if you are a perfectionist use it to be more disciplined in your personal life but don't use it on other people.
I you are over-sensitive use it to be of service to others.
Build your strengths into superpowers.
And then strengthen the good qualities that lie dormant inside you.
Things like resilience, consistency, excellence, being able to work independently and part of a team.
Become the person that leads and that people know they can depend on.
Develop your inner strength.
Put yourself in challenging situations to develop your character.
Choose your destiny.
“Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.”
– Martin Heidegger